if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
