Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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