This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
