I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
