I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
