If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
