just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
