guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
