That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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