He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
