How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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