Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
