You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
