also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
