Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Operation Purity has been aborted
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
