the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
