Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
