Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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