i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
