I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
