All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
