wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
