You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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