your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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