It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
