she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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