If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
