So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What a dumb baby whore.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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