so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
