after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
