Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
