Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
