also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
