he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
