shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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