dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
