So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I look excited, but its just a facade.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
