she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
