I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do vagina's smell?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Houston, we have a squirter
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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