wakey wakey hands off snakey
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I smell like Dick and happiness
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