I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
