This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
