Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
