Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
