Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
