so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
