I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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