I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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