All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
