Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
