Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
