make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
