What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
