Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
