did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
