Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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