My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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