I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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