just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
